


Hypomania

by AgeOfAlejandro



Series: Only Moreso [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel (Movies), The Avengers - All Fandoms
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar II, Gen, Mental Health Issues, mental health stigma, off-screen mention of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-08
Updated: 2012-04-12
Packaged: 2017-11-03 06:25:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/378298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgeOfAlejandro/pseuds/AgeOfAlejandro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He covers his chest with a palm and winces. "That stings, Rhodey, that hurts my heart. But seriously, my time could be better spent in the lab."</p><p>"Right," Rhodey says dryly, "because you spend every waking minute in the lab when you're in a mood like this, instead of drinking and chasing skirts."</p><p>"And pants." Tony gives Rhodey a pleased-with-himself smirk. He's not even going to deny that he's in a mood (because he is; he's learned to recognize the signs over the years and how to cope with it). "Don't forget I chase pants, too."</p><p>Rhodey rolls his eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The last two sections are gonna be Steve/Tony, so if that ain't your bag, this is last call for ~~alcohol~~ gen (such as this has ever been gen).

"I'd prepared to loose a few with you," Tony says with a devil-sly smile.  
  
Everhart looks at him for a moment and then nods. She gives him a smile made of teeth and Tony knows he's going to pay because she's going to go for his balls at some point, but he doesn't care right now. It'll be worth it if he can get those longs legs wrapped around him for a night. God, yes it will. He eyeballs her one more time before offering her his arm. "Then off to Malibu we go."  
  
"Malibu?" Everhart asks, raising an eyebrow even as she loops her arm through his.  
  
"One of the perks of being a billionaire is my own personal jet," he says with his most charming smile as he shepherds her into the car.

 

 

*

 

 

Afghanistan is going to be boring and Tony doesn't want to go. He's perfectly aware his company is angling for another military contract and he knows the Jericho is the finest missile yet (he takes a craftsman's pride in the quality of his work, even though he's always been a little uneasy about what he does) but Tony's pretty sure he has people for this.  
  
"You do," Rhodey agrees. He still looks pissed. "Otherwise you'd do way more of these. But Tony, this is a huge contract -- that's why Stane and the board want you to do it."  
  
Tony raises an eyebrow. "Not that I don't love spending time with you, Rhodey, because I do and you should visit more often, but if you wanted to spend time with me, all you have to do is--"  
  
"This has nothing to do with me, Tony," Rhodey interrupts sharply, his tone verging on nasty. "And I barely have time for my girl, much less _you_."  
  
And he wonders why Tony doesn't tell him much about the things that matter, Tony thinks with a kind of bitter amusement. He covers his chest with a palm and winces. "That stings, Rhodey, that hurts my heart. But seriously, my time could be better spent in the lab."  
  
"Right," Rhodey says dryly, "because you spend every waking minute in the lab when you're in a mood like this, instead of drinking and chasing skirts."  
  
"And pants." Tony gives Rhodey a pleased-with-himself smirk. He's not even going to deny that he's in a mood (because he is; he's learned to recognize the signs over the years and how to cope with it). "Don't forget I chase pants, too."  
  
Rhodey rolls his eyes.

 

 

*

 

 

Tony notices hallucinations soon after waking up from the surgery. Nothing as bad as when he was on the anti-depressants (a flash of shame) but they're there. At this point Tony's mostly used to them, so the occasional dark figure that darts out of the corner of his eye doesn't frighten him and he doesn't worry that sometimes he hears something that can only be the sound of somebody's phone vibrating. He knows none of it is real and he's never concerned about hallucinating unless he's been awake for a couple days, but they always make him twitchy; he can't help but jerk around to follow the shapes and the sound of the phone is annoyingly persistent. They make him look up from his work often enough that Yinsen starts giving him concerned looks, although the doctor never says anything (Tony will later wonder why)

 

 

*

 

 

It's quiet and Yinsen is asleep, his face slack in the low light from the forge. Tony doesn't think he'll be able to sleep; fear lingers in his veins and he's jittery from a brief waterboarding session earlier (to encourage him to hurry up, of course). He can feel a subtle, soft buzzing under his skin and Tony stares at the roof of the cave and tires to remember the last time his sleep patterns looked even remotely normal. Probably infancy. And maybe right after he got off the anti-depressant all those years ago. Tony turns his head away and shoves down a bubble of anxiety blooming in his belly.  
Shaking his head, he turns his head and tries to re-route his train of thought, choosing to examine Yinsen's handiwork again. He pushes at the two largest screws, grimacing when he can feel it making his skin shift and pulling on his sternum before trailing his fingers along the wire that leads to the battery. An idea hits and he looks around at the materials he's been given. Tony's gonna have this thing stuck in his chest probably forever (unless he can come up with a way to regrow cartilage and bone, which come to think of it, Tony can) but he sure as hell doesn't have to be stuck with a car battery until then.  
Tony's been pulling miracles out of his ass for years, so he's confident he can do it. He gets up and starts a technological revolution.  
  
Halfway through the schematics, another idea occurs to him and he grins as he reaches for more paper

 

 

*

 

 

Tony suspects Yinsen thinks there's a good person lurking inside him. He has no idea why. Tony's just been confronted with every evil he has been complicit with and it is _staggering_. If this bunch of rag-tag insurgents in Cave Country, Afghanistan got their hands on SI weapons and are using them to kill the very soldiers Tony told himself he was protecting, who else has them? Who else is using his stuff to kill innocents and Americans? The more he thinks about it, the more Tony realizes he's _earned_ the monikers "the merchant of death" and "greatest mass murderer in history". That he never fired a missile or pulled the trigger doesn't matter much; he still has a river of blood on his hands.  
  
He has to fix this. When he and Yinsen get out, the very first thing Tony is going to do is halt weapons production. He's going to track every shipment he can of the weapons SI will still be contractually obliged to produce and make sure they don't fall into the wrong hands. Every shipment that has already gone out, he's going to follow and he'll retrieve or destroy any that go where they aren't supposed to. It's a drop in a red, deep bucket, but it's a start.  
The ones that are too far gone to take back, he doesn't want to think about.

 

 

*

 

 

Yinsen says something, and it barely resisters on Tony's senses. Something about sleep, he thinks?  
  
"What?" he asks, pulling himself out of the zone. The arc reactor is almost done and he'd like to get it installed as soon as possible. It's critical to the escape plan and the sooner they get the hell out of here, the better.  
  
"I don't think I've seen you asleep at all since you woke up from the surgery and you don't eat." Yinsen sighs and gets up to check to see if their breakfast has been delivered yet. "You're going to run yourself into the ground."  
  
"No, I'm fine," Tony says and means it. "Sometimes I don't need very much of either -- we're lucky that right now happens to be one of those times. You don't need to worry about me." Yinsen frowns at him. People do that a lot, Tony notes idly as Yinsen shakes his head to indicate there's no food yet. People frown at Tony pretty much all the time, actually. They just don't get him, he supposes as he shrugs and changes the topic. "The reactor is nearly complete. Mostly I just need to install it. I'll need your help with that, though," he adds. "Will you?"  
  
"Of course," Yinsen says, as if Tony was silly for asking, and gets up to peer over his shoulder. "What are we working with here?"

 

 

*

 

 

 _It was always the plan_. Why didn't he see that? Tony wonders as he pulls at the IV and his skin crawls with vulnerability. Rhodey had bullied him into going to the infirmary to at least be checked out and then when it turned out Tony was a bit dehydrated, Rhodey made him stay overnight. His friend had looked so damn relieved and so damn glad to see him that Tony couldn't quite bring himself to force the issue, even though medical facilities make him deeply uncomfortable (there's a vague sense of shame from just being in the building). He turns Yinsen's behavior over and over in his mind, wondering how he missed the signs (because he should have seen them!). Tony's giving himself a headache, chasing sleep further and further away. How did he miss it?  
 _I want this_ haunts him, too. He doesn't know what to do with it and he's left with the sinking feeling he was used. Tony knows that at the very least, Yinsen wanted to give him a second chance just as much as he wanted to return to his family, but the feeling still lingers.  
  
He thinks about that until the infirmary comes to life again and a nurse checks in on him.  
  
"How are we feeling today, Mr. Stark?" the man asks him, picking up Tony's chart.  
  
"I'm feeling all right," Tony says and reflexively eyeballs the guy. Tall, dark, and handsome, and Tony feels guilty for wanting. He wants anyway, one part desperately needed distraction (from Yinsen, from the fucking infirmary, from the blood on his hands) and one part genuine lust.  
  
Mr. Nurse notices and gives him a shy, flattered smile. Tony wishes he had time to close in for the kill, and he gives Mr. Nurse another smile, but he doesn't. He needs to go home and fix everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you jump on Tony for his thoughts about Yinsen possibly using him, please a) remember that he's got more self-worth issues than you can shake a stick at, and b) that the idea that people will use him is deeply ingrained in him, so even when he logically speaking knows better, he can't help but think so anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally lifted the dialog from the script. But, as this is set in Tony's head, there's still plenty to see.
> 
> ETA: No one seems to like this chapter, lol (which is cool; can't win 'em all and I've done well over all) but slog through it! (if you want) It gets better!

"Tony, who do you think locked you out? I was the one who filed the injunction against you." Obie asks with a snake-in-the-grass smile.

  
Briefly too stunned for words, Tony watches as Obie saunters away. His fists clench, his nails biting into the flesh of his palm as he tries to mask his betrayal. Why didn't he see this coming? He should have, he thinks as he tries to ignore the way his stomach is trying to eat itself, choosing to focus on the heat flashing through him instead. Obie can't be trusted and Tony will not allow anyone to stop him from making Yinsen's sacrifice worth it.  
Obidiah Stane's days at SI are numbered. The clock is ticking and Tony is _angry_.  
  


 

*

  
  
What he finds when he goes through the files Pepper got for him is horrifying -- SI has been double dealing with terrorist, drug rings, and insurgents across the planet for years. Tony bites his lip and flushes with appalled shame. He'd been too self absorbed and too weak to pursue the little doubts that niggled at him on bad nights -- _is the line we don't cross drawn in sand or carved in stone?_  
  
Tony stumbles across the video, which he only vaguely recalls the filming of (he closes his eyes for a brief second when he remembers wooziness and the rough yank of a sack off his head), reading the translation captions at the bottom. _Paid us trinkets to kill a prince_ , huh? Tony smiles bitterly. Thanks, Obie. He pushes that away and looks again at the shipping manifestos. There are so many and he knows the only reason he goes for the ones in Afghanistan right off the bat is because of Yinsen. How selfish of him, he thinks as he has JARVIS run a trace and suits up.  
  


 

*

  
  
It almost feels like being electrocuted and _he can't breathe_. Obie turns off his nasty little device and leans close to Tony. "You remember this one, right? It's a shame the government didn't approve it; there's so many applications for causing short-term paralysis." He shifts to rest an elbow next to Tony's head. "When I ordered the hit on you, I worried that I was killing the golden goose. But I'm so glad that you survived, Tony, because you had one last golden egg to deliver. Do you really think that just because you have an idea that it belongs to you? Your father gave us the atomic bomb. What kind of world would it be today if he was as selfish and weak as you are?"

Obie puts something heavy against Tony's chest and pushes down around the edges of the arc reactor, and Tony can feel the tug of cords coming loose inside him as Obie pulls it out to admire. "Oh, it's beautiful, Tony -- this is your Ninth Symphony. What a masterpiece. Look at that! This is your legacy. A new generation of weapons with this at its heart," he says pleasedly, grinning as he taps Tony's chest. "Weapons that will help steer the world back on course, put the balance of power in our hands. The right hands." Obie stands up and steps out of Tony's field of vision, and Tony can _hear_ the man's nasty grin. "I wish you could've seen my prototype. It's not as... well, not as conservative as yours." He leans in again to look at Tony, and adds, "Too bad you had to involve Pepper in this. I would have preferred that she lived."  
  
 _Oh fuck_ Tony thinks, and an image of a bloody and empty-eyed Pepper dances across his psyche above the pain before barely contained panic sets in.  


 

 

*

 

  
"Time to hit the button!" Tony hollers as he dances around Obie's shots, his stomach churning with fear that he's going to fail Yinsen by losing.  
  
"You told me not to!" Pepper says, shifting anxiously in Tony's peripheral vision and staring up at him.  
  
"Hold still, you little prick!" Obie calls, frustration starting to tinge his words.  
  
Tony slips, barely catching on to the skylight bars and clinging with all he's got. "Just do it!"  
  
"You'll die!"  
  
 _And?_ "Push it!" he urges. If it means taking out Obie, Tony will take dying.  
  
Pepper pushes the button and it all goes dark.


	3. Chapter 3

The thing about these moods is that they're seductive. If Tony could, he'd probably spend the rest of his life like this. He doesn't need to sleep much and the entire world is acquires the perfect glossy shine of the excitingly new. It burns magnesium-bright in his head, throwing his ideas into high relief, and he feels like he can do  _anything_. It's the like best high in the world; nothing can touch him, he's perfect, and Lady Luck is smiling on everything he does.

  


The thing about these moods is they don't last. The light goes out and Tony always comes back down to Earth, back to his small and disappointingly human body. He remembers his limitations and has to pick up after himself. Well, Pepper's the one who actually cleans up after him, but it's when Tony realizes he's left a disaster in his wake; there's often a PR disaster or two and it's not unheard of for sex tapes to pop up on the internet featuring Tony and people who are far too young for him. The first week after he comes down, he avoids his lab as much as possible because he knows there's going to be an enormous mess and an overwhelming number of incomplete projects he doesn't want to even look at.

It's not a crash -- those are different and make him want to hide -- but it's a let down after living life sped up in a beautiful and flawless world.  Tony finds he needs to sweep out the magnesium ash out of his head before he can face the world again.

 

This, of course, is what  _usually_  happens. This time when Tony touches down again, it's like the ceiling drops in on him. Memories of the cave and Yinsen and the arc reactor and Obie and being paralyzed on the couch all crowd in him and he is so thankful a crash didn't follow the high this time. It's hard enough to stay afloat as it is. If it had been a crash that followed, Tony knows he'd be drowning.


End file.
